20 May

Controlling your anger

“Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it…Don’t allow his anger to become your anger.”
― Bohdi Sanders, Warrior Wisdom: Ageless Wisdom for the Modern Warrior.

Controlling your anger is very important before it controls you. Out-of-control rage isn’t good for you and those around you.  There are various strategies out there for controlling your anger.

Controlling your anger
Controlling your anger

Controlling your anger else it will ruin your relationship

He left office in anger and reached home with a bad mood.  On the other hand, his wife had prepared him his best food and the table was all set as usual and this one was rather more special.  When he rang the door, his wife took time to come as she was getting ready. And there she opened the door with a big smile and the contrary happened to what she had thought of.  Her husband slammed the door and shouted harshly at her for being irresponsible and careless and went directly to his room without having dinner.  His poor wife sat down on the floor dreadfully dejected wondering what might have happened and she kept on crying.  The next day, when her husband woke up, his anger was completely melt and he was quite surprised that his wife didn’t come to wake him up.  He called her and there was no response and he starting looking for her and suddenly his heart thumped when he saw her lying on the floor.  But it was too late. His wife was a heart patient and the previous night she didn’t had her pills as she was eagerly waiting for him to have dinner together to celebrate their wedding anniversary.

We might never know when anger can snatch everything from you.  Anger is like an acid which if poured on you will ruin you. Controlling your anger has become an important subject in everyone’s life.  According to psychologist T.W. Smith, anger is “an unpleasant emotion ranging in intensity from irritation or annoyance to fury or rage.”  Frequent anger will also pose health risks and when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it will create lots of problems to many other areas in your life.

Thus it is important to control your anger.  Anger management’s  aims to control a person emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes.   It is obvious that many times a person will not be able to avoid issues that will make him angry but he will learn how to control and manage the situations.  Mayo Clinic Staff defines anger management as the process of learning to recognize signs that you’re becoming angry, and taking action to calm down and deal with the situation in a positive way. Anger management doesn’t try to keep you from feeling anger or encourage you to hold it in.

Steps to anger management:

1. Anger is usually an unexpected feeling. If a sudden situation upset you, relax, breathe in and out. There is no need for you to reply the opposite party soon.  Simply calm down and leave that place.  Sit and analyse the situations. Write everything in paper that you wanted to vent out. Why? Because you will get the opportunity to analyse the situation in a different open manner and will have more ideas how to approach the situation the next minute or next day.

2. Never vent out your frustration or anger on your dear ones.  Learn to leave all worries at work and this also applies to your work place. Learn to manage both objects differently.

Controlling your anger
Anger Management

3. Be active to your present moment and analyse what makes you angry and changes your mood.  Keep a log with you and slowly you will be able to manage yourself.  According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more “hotheaded” than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don’t show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don’t always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

4. When someone makes you anger, it is obvious you will want to vent out this anger.  If the person is wrong, you will need to calm down and identify wise steps to make that person understand.  Else meanwhile, try to see the humour in your expressions of anger. Live each day as if it’s your last day.  Admire yourself more and simply attract situations which are more peaceful in nature.  Avoid negative people and do not give a care to those who criticize you.

5. Learn to build a line of limit to yourself. This means to choose how to react to situations.  It is not important to react to every situations. If it is at work, be more strict to your colleagues, subordinates or staff in general.  Be authentic enough and put rules for others to follow. You also need to be more assertive and don’t do things out of obligation.  This causes frustration.  When you have expectations from others, you often feel dejected when the contrary happens.

Anger Management
Anger Management

6. Meditation is another way to control and manage your anger. Check our articles in Meditation

On the other hand, research mentioned that the  family background plays a role in anger management.  Why some are not able to manage anger?  Most often people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.


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